Word Purge from a Depressive Diabetic

Current Read

So I’ve had this book for a while. I was honestly scared to open it, I thought it would make me sad. Well it did, but it’s also honest and well written. I do everything wrong! And yea, the situations in which I DID not pursue, had turned into long term relationships. Seriously, fuck what’s going on right now. Feelings suck!!

Anyone else read it??

Protected: Photos!

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Waking up crying. I have gotten no where. I wish I could restrain myself from getting so attached and I’m so fucking sick of getting friend zoned. I wish I knew how to change. Infinite sadness 😔


I went to a hiring party at one of my old workplaces yesterday. I don’t feel as though they care for me much, but I really need a second job. I hope I can handle it.

My A1c is down to 8.7. Still really bad, but a lot better! As far as the vyvanse, I’m still on it but thankfully my dr is supplementing it with something else. I might have severe complications someday, but I’m not sure what else to do to get through life.

Relationship-life, I’m still spending time with this guy. I inquired about a relationship, may have used the wrong term or whatever, and I didn’t hear from him for a week after. I felt miserable. I sort of understand his stance, but part of me thinks it’s just another excuse :/ I seriously am always wondering, why am I not seen as relationship material? I wish someone could be upfront about it. I really like him.. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me, but isn’t that a risk we all take? Then of course this person still actively uses a dating profile, so I’m not sure how to feel or what to think. 

And here’s me the other weekend.


Currently on my break at work. My blood sugars have been a lot better. I’ve also noticed the Vyvanse by itself is not ideal.   😬 I’ve been taking my other medication with it on the days I work, but I’m about out! 

I’ve also been dating a handsome, super cool guy recently. Hoping things move forward 🙂

Sunday Morning

Well it’s the afternoon now, but anyways.  I am increasing my vyvanse to 70mg in a few days. I have add to take my other medicine in conjunction with it when I work. Why am I so tired?! It’s difficult to even do a four hour shift and it drives me crazy! I need to work more. Some things are beyond my control right now. I have always yearned for a consistent full time job, but I cannot swing it 😦 

Went on a couple dates, I suppose. First ones since me and my ex husband split. And I’m liking this guy 🙂 He lives very close to me as well.

I’m confident my A1c will be better next time around. I think humalin has made me gain weight, but I guess it’s something I have to deal with. This no energy thing is definitely taking a toll on my outdoor time. Though I have kayaked some more and ridden my bike on the rail trail. 

Next Friday is the Hollywood Vampires concert in Bethlehem! I am going alone, which sucks, but I’ll be in the same place as Johnny Depp! Haha.. I’ll never get over the fact meeting him for my Make-A-Wish didn’t work out, but I didn’t die either soo.. idk. I’m grateful they gave me a wish anyway. I still want to help them give wishes too other kids someday. However, I barely have the time or energy to handle my current commitments 😦 If I were filthy rich, I’d donate the fuck out of my money!!

We’re coming up on a year since the carnival. That night was magical and I’ll never forget. I only wish things had proven to be different.

Enjoy your Sunday guys.


My previous post is password protected to protect someone I care about, though they do not give a shit about me (pword available upon request)…it’s pretty much about how insignificant I feel in said persons life, that I care a great deal about their life, and how they have consumed mine… regrettably. I don’t know. It’s late and I’m in a weird mood. I have gone from 120mg of cymbalta down to 0 and I’ve been out at least 5 days. Now I’m sounding whiny. Could use some good karma/vibes right now..

Protected: Summer of Love and Year of self loathing 

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Protected: Brief history of things

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