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Bloodsugar.Sex.Magick

Word Purge from a Depressive Diabetic

Current Read

So I’ve had this book for a while. I was honestly scared to open it, I thought it would make me sad. Well it did, but it’s also honest and well written. I do everything wrong! And yea, the situations in which I DID not pursue, had turned into long term relationships. Seriously, fuck what’s going on right now. Feelings suck!!

Anyone else read it??

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Protected: Photos!

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Upset

Waking up crying. I have gotten no where. I wish I could restrain myself from getting so attached and I’m so fucking sick of getting friend zoned. I wish I knew how to change. Infinite sadness 😔

Meh.

I went to a hiring party at one of my old workplaces yesterday. I don’t feel as though they care for me much, but I really need a second job. I hope I can handle it.

My A1c is down to 8.7. Still really bad, but a lot better! As far as the vyvanse, I’m still on it but thankfully my dr is supplementing it with something else. I might have severe complications someday, but I’m not sure what else to do to get through life.

Relationship-life, I’m still spending time with this guy. I inquired about a relationship, may have used the wrong term or whatever, and I didn’t hear from him for a week after. I felt miserable. I sort of understand his stance, but part of me thinks it’s just another excuse :/ I seriously am always wondering, why am I not seen as relationship material? I wish someone could be upfront about it. I really like him.. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me, but isn’t that a risk we all take? Then of course this person still actively uses a dating profile, so I’m not sure how to feel or what to think. 

And here’s me the other weekend.

Dreamy

Currently on my break at work. My blood sugars have been a lot better. I’ve also noticed the Vyvanse by itself is not ideal.   😬 I’ve been taking my other medication with it on the days I work, but I’m about out! 

I’ve also been dating a handsome, super cool guy recently. Hoping things move forward 🙂

Sunday Morning

Well it’s the afternoon now, but anyways.  I am increasing my vyvanse to 70mg in a few days. I have add to take my other medicine in conjunction with it when I work. Why am I so tired?! It’s difficult to even do a four hour shift and it drives me crazy! I need to work more. Some things are beyond my control right now. I have always yearned for a consistent full time job, but I cannot swing it 😦 

Went on a couple dates, I suppose. First ones since me and my ex husband split. And I’m liking this guy 🙂 He lives very close to me as well.

I’m confident my A1c will be better next time around. I think humalin has made me gain weight, but I guess it’s something I have to deal with. This no energy thing is definitely taking a toll on my outdoor time. Though I have kayaked some more and ridden my bike on the rail trail. 

Next Friday is the Hollywood Vampires concert in Bethlehem! I am going alone, which sucks, but I’ll be in the same place as Johnny Depp! Haha.. I’ll never get over the fact meeting him for my Make-A-Wish didn’t work out, but I didn’t die either soo.. idk. I’m grateful they gave me a wish anyway. I still want to help them give wishes too other kids someday. However, I barely have the time or energy to handle my current commitments 😦 If I were filthy rich, I’d donate the fuck out of my money!!

We’re coming up on a year since the carnival. That night was magical and I’ll never forget. I only wish things had proven to be different.

Enjoy your Sunday guys.

Summary

My previous post is password protected to protect someone I care about, though they do not give a shit about me (pword available upon request)…it’s pretty much about how insignificant I feel in said persons life, that I care a great deal about their life, and how they have consumed mine… regrettably. I don’t know. It’s late and I’m in a weird mood. I have gone from 120mg of cymbalta down to 0 and I’ve been out at least 5 days. Now I’m sounding whiny. Could use some good karma/vibes right now..

Protected: Summer of Love and Year of self loathing 

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Protected: Brief history of things

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